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Conflicts may aid interpersonal relationships, if handled correctly

University Relations
News Bureau (662) 325-3442
Contact: Abby Barber
May 21, 2003

STARKVILLE, Miss.—No one enjoys the prospect of conflict, but facing personal disagreements honestly is the key to problem-solving in interpersonal relationships.

“We often avoid conflict for fear of harming a relationship,” says Mississippi State University communication instructor Marianne A. Ulmer. “But, when handled the right way, conflict actually can strengthen and improve relationships.”

Even the best of relationships sometimes encounter rough periods, she observes. The ways each side approaches resolution of the predicament can mean either an ultimately positive or negative outcome.

Ulmer, a veteran educator, says conflicting parties should first admit their obvious frustrations with the situation and avoid keeping their feelings bottled up inside. “Avoiding the situation may result in a fight and cause even more frustration,” she explained.

She provides several key steps for “good” conflict resolution, including:

--An initial identification of the problem and what personal needs are not being met.

--An agreement on a time for both sides to discuss the conflict.

--A description or definition of what the problem is, without assessing blame on either side.

--Consideration of the other side’s point of view and a purposeful use of “I” instead of “you” when discussing your feelings.

--After both parties have presented their views and expressed a desire to resolve the conflict, begin brainstorming for possible solutions, evaluating each and ultimately deciding which might be the best.

--Implement an agreed-upon resolution. If it doesn’t work—and it may not—return to the brainstorming list and try another.

“Knowing that you are working together creates good feelings among both parties,” Ulmer says. “That can make your relationship even better than before the conflict.”